Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
