i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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