Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
