Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
