i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
