my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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