Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where is the hickey?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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