Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
