Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sponge bath it is.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
