I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
