so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
