As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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