dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want a musical about memes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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