what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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