Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
