i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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