Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
