No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
