is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
