but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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