I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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