I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
