Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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