i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
