There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
