What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
