How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize