Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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