Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
