So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
