idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize