I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
