im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize