she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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