I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize