I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
