Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
