my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
