can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Randomize
