I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
