shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
