It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
