How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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