ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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