I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
