So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
