The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
