k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
