I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize