so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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