nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
