im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
