it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
