I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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