every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
