HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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