The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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