You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
