stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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