when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
