Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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