Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
