new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We are all done wearing pants today
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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