Princesses don't give blow jobs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
