If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We need to get me chipped asap
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
