I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
