She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
