she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
