Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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