Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
