Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize