took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
