Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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