that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
