U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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