I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
