there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
