Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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