Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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