I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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