there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
