you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
