don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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