The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
