I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize