i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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