I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
