No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
