What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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