Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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