Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
