Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Porn is love you can see.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
