I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
