Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she looked like the before picture.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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