So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
how does that bad decision feel?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
