Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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