she looked like the before picture.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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