I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He shit in the fireplace
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
