I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
