her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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