I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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