Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She bit a glass in half.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
