My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
