So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
